TEARS.

I didn’t expect to cry to myself tonight. As I kept telling myself that I’m fine every time I get up from my bed. As I drew a smile on my face every morning. Finally, a tear that has fallen down to my cheeks.

There was this one night. I pushed down my weight to the bed, as I told myself to go to sleep. The darkness of the room accompanied me. But I ended up staring at the blank wall, wondering why it went wrong. Even you’ve pulled the knife out of me, I’d still blame myself, why would this happen? What have I done to make you leave? Wasn’t my love enough? I heard myself broken. I felt the pain. And I finally cried to myself, even I’ve convinced myself that he doesn’t care about me anymore.

The next morning I woke up, I realised my eyes turned out just like not how it supposed to be. The sadness, I could see in me. I went out from the room with a smile, just hoping that no one wouldn’t notice. I told them, and myself that I’m okay, so I laughed throughout the days. I went to the class, and I received a note from someone. It said.

“I know that you cry every night so that the next morning you can laugh again and again. I know that every morning you hope that no one noticed the tears flow to your cheeks. But I do notice. I know that you have no mood to eat just because your mind is making a chaos about him. I know you have to take 3 mins break to the lavatory just to wipe your tears. I know you aren’t okay, but I want you to know that you’re strong to face all of this, and I’m ever so proud of you.”

And now I realised, for all the time, all I did was just begging myself not to cry every single time.

-n.n.i